


You Were Always There

by MissMeanswell



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1868661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMeanswell/pseuds/MissMeanswell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a mishap with the Go-Back-In-Time-Inator, Perry is stuck in 1985. As Doofenshmirtz tries to figure out a way to bring him back, Perry runs into a familiar face. Episode style Perryshmirtz fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reminisce

**Present Day - 4:28 pm**

It was just another ordinary afternoon for the pair. Well, as ordinary as a platypus being trapped by an evil scientist could be. Perry looked around the interior of what was confining him today. It was a box, one that he could barley stand up in, with one side made out of thick glass.

  
"You like that trap, Perry the Platypus?" Heinz said, tossing around a remote control back and forth between his hands. "That's my old T.V. set from the eighties! Yeah I had it sitting in storage forever, it was taking up so much space! I think the only reason I hung on to the old thing was because of sentimental reasons I guess. That T.V. was one of the earliest things I bought after coming here to America." Perry tried to get a better idea of what the T.V. actually looked like. It was hard to tell, considering he was sitting inside of it, but it couldn't have been all that cheap for the time. "Now don't look all wistful Perry the Platypus, that attitude is what creates bad hoarders, and I would know!"

  
As Dr. Doofenshmirtz moved into the monologue phase of their endeavor, Agent P searched through the tools in his fedora to find one that would best cut through the glass. "Anyway, I have a good reason to use this old stuff from the eighties because.... TAH DAH-" He pulled back the tarp covering his inator. "The Go Back In Time-inator!" The doctor boomed. "And before you say anything, one, no it is not a time machine it's an inator. Two, yes my Army Retrieve-inator kind of did the same thing, but that wasn't intentional. And three, If you're wondering why I don't use that time machine in the museum," his tone dropped, embarrassed. "it's because I'm banned from there, it's a long story. Moving on!"

  
"So if you haven't guessed by now Perry the Platypus, I am going to send myself back to the eighties!" As he listened to Doofenshmirtz, Agent P found his laser pointer in his set of tools and began to melt the glass. "There I can inspire my past self to get a jump start on evil! That and also make him feel better, you know? Make sure he knows he'll have friends and be a cool dad one day." Perry smiled a bit at this. "Oh man and I should totally give him like a twenty dollar bill! Do you know how cool that would be considering inflation? I would be unstoppable!" Agent P finished melting the whole in his trap and sprang into action. "Now just to press this button and- OOPH!"

  
Heinz's face came in contact with Perry's foot. "Perry the Platypus, have you no heart?" He whined, dodging the next attack. Doofenshmirtz tried to retaliate, aiming for a swift punch. "Luckily I don't need an inator to punch you into next week!" He swung and missed, the momentum smacking him against a wall. Realizing he was losing, Heinz shook off the pain of impact and went for his other plan. "No matter," He said, grabbing the remote control back out of his pocket, "try and see if you can still beat me up before you were ever born!"

  
Doofenshmirtz ran in front of the inator, his finger pressing down on the remote control . As a beam of light charged from the machine, Perry sped up and leaped into the air, knocking the doctor out of the way. The inator fired. Heinz fell to the floor. He hopped up onto his feet, ready to try again, but all was quiet. Eyes darted around the apartment.

  
"Perry?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so this first chapter is really short. Don't worry they will get longer in length as I go on. Consider this the prologue.


	2. Troubled and Confused

**1985 - 4:37 pm**

Agent P was falling from the sky. Questions flooded his head. Where was he? Did he get hit by the beam? Is this the past? If it is, why is he in the sky? Luckily a good agent is always prepared, and he reached solid ground safely after activating a propeller on his fedora. Surveying his surroundings, Perry noticed the lack of Doofenshmirtz's apartment building on the familiar street. The logical conclusion was that he did indeed get sent back in time, and it hadn't been built yet. That must also explain why he was in the air. During the present day he was sent here from, he was standing on the highest floor after all.

The first step to getting back to his proper time would be to contact O.W.C.A. Wait, the current headquarters Perry was used to was a new location, one the organization had moved to in 1988. What year in the eighties did Heinz send him to exactly? He supposed he could go to their current location in the hopes that it was 1988 or later, but if it wasn't, it would be a big waste of time and effort. That, and he never learned where exactly the old HQ was anyway, so that would require more running around. This coupled with the fact that all of Agent P's vehicles were in another century, he would have to walk. Everywhere. Perry tried to think of a less time consuming and exhausting answer. First thing first would be to get hold of a newspaper and verify the year. Walking over to the nearest neighborhood should do it.

A little ways past the area where the D.E.I. building would later resign, Perry found a cozy little, albeit somewhat cheap looking, neighborhood. Walking up and down the sidewalk, the Platypus struggled to find any residence that hadn't collected their Sunday paper yet. Until finally he came to one house in the middle of a cul-de-sac, their newspaper still laying in the driveway. Perry picked it up and wiped the dirt that had fallen on it in order to read the date. August 12, 1985. That meant he had no idea where O.W.C.A. would be. Looking up the address in a phone book might work, but where could he find one of those lying around?

"Dude, are you stealing my newspaper? They're already free you know, what's your damage?" Perry the Platypus froze. He didn't need to turn around to find the source of the voice berating him. He'd know that voice anywhere.

* * *

 

**Present Day - 4:53 pm**

"DAD, YOU HAVE BEEN CRYING ON THE GROUND FOR THE LAST TWO MINUTES. SHOULD I GET YOUR SAD TIME ICE CREAM?" Norm said, taking loud steps into the living room.

"I-I'm not crying!" Doofenshmirtz retorted, sitting up a bit. "I'm stage crying. It's different. I poked my eyes." He sniffled. "And stop calling me dad!"

"BUT WHY ARE YOU STAGE CRYING?"

Heinz stood up and dusted off his pants. "Because! I accidently sent Perry the Platypus back to the eighties and now I don't know how to get him back! So without any real solution, I did what always works in movies, cry until your friend comes back to you! I know it usually only happens when the friend is like, dead, or your tears magically sparkle or something," He flicked his wrist, "but I still think it's a solid plan!" He said triumphantly, wiping the tears off his face.

"WOW." The robot replied flatly. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK IN TIME AND BRING PERRY THE PLATYPUS BACK WITH YOU?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz shook his remote controller in Norm's face. "You really have no faith in me, do you? You think I would be wasting my time here, crying like a dummkopf if the answer was that obvious? I've thought this through Norm, I wouldn't do that to Perry the Platypus!"

The two stared at each other, Heinz looking bitter and Norm carrying his same joyful expression. "SIR, ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT IF THE INATOR SENT YOU BACK IN TIME, THAT YOU WOULD HAVE NO WAY OF GETTING BACK EITHER, EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS YOUR ORIGINAL PLAN?"

He blinked. "Oh what do you know!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter. Honestly I think they're all gonna be about this length, but it's kinda necessary with the back and forth style I'm doing here. Oh, and I hope you like awful 80's lingo.


	3. Familiar yet Different

**1985 - 4:56 pm**

It was Doofenshmirtz. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, roughly 20 years, standing there with his hands on his hips in front of Perry. The platypus thought about running. Interacting with him could be very, _very_ bad. Of course, of all the houses in Danville he just had to pick his! All the same, what would he do if he ran? Perry still had no access to a phone book or O.W.C.A.'s address. It felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Your face has been wigging out with like at least ten different expressions. Seriously, I don't even care if you want the newspaper, but like, are you okay? Do I need to get you water or something... beavers live in water yeah?" The young Heinz spoke. Though the voice was still instantly recognizable there was a noticeable heightened pitch and a bit a lisp from him braces. Perry considered the offer. He knew he shouldn't accept, of course, it was far too risky. Though he still needed a phone book, and Doof probably had one in his home. Saying no would just mean trying to find another house to access a phone book, and at least with this method, it was the house of someone he already knew he could trust. Perry would just have to go inside, get some water, ask for a phone book, and be out of there. No extended interactions and everything would be alright.

Perry the Platypus slowly nodded his head. "Choice, alright. You can come inside while and I'll get you a glass. 'Cause you looked like you were having a serious freakout a second ago and I don't need some stray duck bookin' it and passing out on some random street hanging over my head." Perry rolled his eyes and followed after Heinz into the house. "Chill for just a sec, okay? You can sit down if you want." Perry looked around for a seat. The walls of the house were covered in a dark purple wallpaper that reminded him of the same moody atmosphere that Doofenshmirtz's modern day apartment had. However the furniture looked like it was stolen straight out of a grandparent's house. The whole house felt very typical of the American eighties, with no hint at all of Doofenshmirtz's former life in Drusselstein. Though Perry realized he probably wanted to leave any signs of those days behind him on purpose. Finally, he sat down on the couch.

Heinz continued to talk as he got a glass of water from the kitchen. "Really though, what's the deal with you taking my newspaper anyway? What, did your copy get ruined or are you just homeless or something?" He chuckled at the idea, but Perry's face flattened. It would have been a good idea to come up with a cover story beforehand. "Wait what's that look on your face for? You're not seriously a stray are you?" A scenario was quickly formed in Agent P's head. No, he wasn't homeless, he just lost his way and needed a phone book to find his friend. That could work. Perry shook off the young Heinz's suggestion. "Then what, are you lost?" A nod for yes.

The look on Doofenshmirtz's face quickly turned from mildly amused confusion to genuine worry. Perry was afraid he was putting too much pressure on him. It was hard to remind himself that as far as anyone knew, they were strangers. Trying to make things easier on the poor guy, he walked over and pointed to the phone mounted to his wall.

"Oh, uh, do you need to use the phone? Wow, I didn't even know animals could talk over the phone like that. Unless you're calling another beaver or something..." Perry shook his head no but became relieved that he seemed to act a bit more at ease. "Not the phone?" To try and convey the book part of a phone book, Perry held his palms together, then spread them open, similar to turning a page. "You need to... open my telephone up? Like, rewire it?" He shook communicated another no. It was hard not having Doofenshmirtz catch onto his little gestures and body movements. They had gotten so used to how each other acted and now interacting with him without that bond made Agent P feel very lonely.

He sighed and pointed to a book on his shelf. "My book...? Oh... oh, phone book! Yeah let me go grab it." He left the room and came back a moment later, plopping down the yellow book on his coffee table with a loud thud. "Go ahead!" Perry walked over and flipped through the pages, momentarily wondering if a secret organization would even have their address listed so publicly. Though sure enough, he found it. The address was on a street he had gone my several times on trips with the Flynn-Fletcher family. It was only about fifteen minutes away by car, which would equal a fairly long walk. Well, it was better to get started now, so Perry walked towards the door.

* * *

 

**Present Day - 5:12 pm**

"Dad, you can't just drag me out of my room without any explanation! What do you think you're doing?" Vanessa hissed, shaking her father's grip off her arm.

Heinz finally released her and jogged over to the middle of the living room where Norm was already stationed. "Okay I'm sorry about that, but this is important because when I tried it with just Norm it didn't work. I think theres like a three person minimum or something. Now stand here, clap your hands, and say that you believe!"

Vanessa squinted as Norm began to clank his hands together."Okay you've done a lot of ridiculous things before and I should come to expect this, but seriously why on earth would I do that?"

" _Becauuuse,_ " Doofenshmirtz whined like a toddler, "I'm desperate for ideas to bring Perry the Platypus back and this was the best idea I could think of! Come on Vanessa sweetie, I need help!"

"Wait... what happened to Perry?"

Doofenshmirtz rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I kind of maybe possible sort have kind of sent him to the year 1985 with no way of returning...?" He smiled nervously.

"Dad! That actually sounds pretty serious! Shouldn't you be calling his agency or something instead pretending you're in a children's special?"

Doofenshmirtz scoffed. "Oh man, call Monobrow? Yeah that would be fun. I can almost hear him yelling at me already."

"SIR, I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD CONSIDER HER IDEA." Norm piped in.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh" Heinz moaned, reaching over to his home phone. He punched the numbers in and held it to his face. "Hey _Francis_. What? No, why would I be calling in sick? You already sent Perry the Platypus over here, it'd be a little late to do that! Sheesh. Look just shut your mustache already, I've got something you'll want to hear..."


	4. Lonely

**1985 - 5:15 pm**

As Perry opened up the door to leave, he turned around to give Doofenshmirtz a nod of gratitude. Surprisingly though, he protested. "Hey whoa, do you even have a ride? I mean like you seem innocent enough that I'm down for driving you somewhere but i'd need the 411 first. 'Sup to you." A smile crept up on Agent P's bill, then soon faded when he remembered that this wasn't his best friend offering a ride. They just met, and he didn't understand why Heinz was being so generous. The agency always told him that animals had a certain charm that could be used to their advantage, but this was a bit worrisome. Was Heinz being too trusting? What if he was a random dangerous platypus?

He shook his head. This was no time to mentally babysit his not-as-of-yet-nemesis. Without any further doubt, he accepted. A short drive and he would be home soon. "Richeous. But uh, hey first do you think you could tell me your name? I think I have a scrap sheet somewhere you can write on... do you know how to write?" Perry crossed his arms and nodded yes. "Eeek yeah that was rude of me. Hold up." As Doofenshmirtz walked away Perry noticed a desk littered with sheets of paper on top. Doofenshmirtz instead picked up one of the bunched up sheets on the ground, uncrinkled it, and handed it to him. "There. Don't sweat about the other side."

Since he wasn't provided with one, Agent P pulled a pen out from his fedora. He considered what he should write down. Definitly not Perry. He made his decision and scribbled it down, then handed it back for Heinz to read. "Bartholomew? Batholomew the Beaver? Okay, wow I know you must get this a lot, but that name makes you sound like a total dweeb." Perry restrained a smile. "I'm Heinz by the way. So where are you headed?" He pointed to O.W.C.A's address in the still open phone book on the table. "Ace, that's not too far! ...Never heard it before though. Let me grab my keys."

Heinz left the room, leaving Perry alone. He decided to look over all the papers that were on the desk. Upon grabbing one, it appeared to be poetry. He remembered about how Heinz used to write and was curious to read some of his work. It read,

"What's a rubix cube

America is so strange

I hate my braces"

The subject was... interesting, but at least it was a solid haiku. It couldn't hurt to read one more.

" **D** resses aren't that bad

**O** celots are rad

**O** wning my fears

**F** abulous Doof is here"

Well that was certainly something else. They were amusing, but not really what he expected. Though Perry realized he didn't even know what he expected. Perry then wondered that if these were the good drafts left on the desk, what could Heinz have written for him to crumple it up and toss it on the ground? He flipped over the sheet he had written his name on earlier.

"Big and scary,

It's better than before,

but most things are.

The amount of work,

Just to reach where most start,

Is that fair?

I'm proud of myself,

But nobody else is.

Am I even noticed?"

Perry inhaled deeply. Sure he had known all about his nemesis's poor self esteem and loneliness, unfortunatley it wasn't new. Though reading it now, in this time without permission... it felt wrong. The footsteps approaching behind him made Agent P quickly stuff the wrinkled paper under his hat.

"Ready to go?"

* * *

 

 

**Present Day - 5:21 pm**

"How long has it been sent Agent P was hit with the inator?" Major Monogram asked, on the scene with Carl at Doofenshmirtz's apartment.

Heinz was flipping through his pile of blueprints. "About an hour? Fourty five minutes? Something like that.... found it!" He dug out a rolled up blueprint and handed it to Carl. "Here you go!" He shifted his glasses and read it over.

"Well it looks like it would be impossible to simply recreate the inator in the past." He handed the paper to Monogram. "You see, one of the core components in creating it is Ununseptium. It's a synthesized element, discovered only a few years ago. There would be simply no way to get a hold of it or recreate it in the mid Eighties. Furthermore, I have no idea how you even managed to get hold of it nowadays Dr. Doofenshmirtz."

He crossed his arms proudly. "I know people."

"Ahem yes well," Monogram grumbled. "Is it possible to send the current time machine back with us? Perhaps there is a way to bounce a beam back off it with a mirror so that It will hit itself."

"Yeah about that..." Doofenshmirtz ran off and grabbed a hand mirror. Firing the inator at it, the whole thing simply disappeared in a burst of light. "Doesn't reflect. Fun fact, I learned that while coming up with Perry the Platypus's trap! There was gonna be this whole laser dodging thing, heh."

Major Monogram sat down on the couch and stroked his mustache. "Then can we simply remake the machine now and send that back?"

"Not any time soon." Carl said. "It's very hard to get any Ununseptium, even nowadays. We would have to special order it and that wouldn't be ready for another month or so.... which means without any other alternatives, Agent P is also stuck in the past for another month or so."

"Oh man I've really screwed up this time, haven't I..."

"Not so fast Heinz. There is _one_ alternative." All eyes in the room turned to him. "We called it Project Skip."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing the writings of another character is weird. I hope I didn't mess up the poetry too bad. That Haiku still makes me laugh though.


	5. Field Trip

**1985 -5:25 pm**

Doofenshmirtz shook his car keys around in his hand. "Come on let's get moving Barthie! Barthie... no that sounds like barf-y. Well you know what I'll just call you B.B. for Bartholomew the Beaver." Cute.

"Anyway I- oh wait man pause!" He smacked his hand on his forehead. "I totally spaced! I ordered a pizza before you showed up and it should be here any second! It was kind of a treat to myself 'cause the place is a little out of the ways and pricey, so um I really don't want it to get cold, so actually is it cool if I eat the pizza first...?"

Great more time with Heinz and possibly messing up the future. Though he didn't really have much of an option. As Perry gave a thumbs up the doorbell was heard right on schedule. "Sweet!" He left to go pay and returned a moment later with the pizza box. "Just a warning though, if you want a slice you better pay up. I'm not encouraging any freeloaders." With a slice in his hand he plopped down on the couch and Perry joined him.

"So what's your story B.B.? Were you just visiting or...?" Agent P responded with a nod for yes. "Heh, didn't know anyone visited this side of town much. I'd try and guess where you're from but my only clue is your hat which makes me think you're a time traveler from the forties or something." He laughed to himself with a mouth full of pizza. Time traveler. Funny. "Though if you're wondering about where i'm from with this accent - everybody seems to - I'm from Drusselstein. If you haven't heard of it be glad."

They both sat there quietly as Doofenshmirtz finished up his piece. "Man this pizza is awesome! So worth it. You know what, since you've been such a good listener this entire time I'll let you steal a slice." He shook a piece of pizza in Perry's face who politely pushed it back to him. "What? Boooooo."

This small talk was enjoyable, but Perry couldn't help but realize that originally Heinz would have been spending the night at his house alone with nobody to share food with. It was a sad thought, but it made him happy that he could spend the moment with him instead.

Heinz picked his keys back up from the coffee table. "Sorry about wasting your time there, but food is food. I'll get us going." He went through a door leading to a garage and Agent P followed after. "Like my ride B.B.? It's an AMC Gremlin. Not too shabby." His eyes suddenly lit up. "Wait I have to show you this!" He crouched over by the tires of the car... that didn't seem to be there. "Ultra-durable stain resistant clear tires! They never lose air or need to be replaced." Doofenshmirtz sprang to feet and opened the car door. "That, and it always looks like my car is floating in the air, which is really cool... I invented myself by the way!" Perry gave him a thumbs up of approval and they both buckled into the car. With a turn of the keys and a lift of the garage door, they were off.

* * *

**Present Day -5:44 pm**

"Ugh, did you really have to drag us all the way back to the agency just to explain yourself?" Doofenshmirtz complained, leaning against the wall by Carl outside of O.W.C.A.

"Well no one forced you to come back with us, but you wanted to know how else we could bring Agent P back, now didn't you?" Monogram grumbled, getting his eye scanned by the security system. Doofenshmirtz stuck out his tongue. "Hey watch it. You're lucky I stopped at the Slushy Dog for you."

"You got food too..."

Once the door was opened, the group entered the building and Monogram lead them into his office. Opening up a filing cabinet, he pulled out a thick manila folder. "Project Skip. Active from 1984 to 1988. O.W.C.A. tried to create a time machine back in the day. It was going to be used to see which evildoers would become more serious threats in the future. It was very primitive, seeing as you couldn't even set the date or the time, just the year. After sending Agent F a year forward, we also learned that it couldn't go backwards. Agent F wasn't too happy about that." He set down the folder in front of Heinz and Carl.

"Apologies for my lack of knowledge, sir, but was the machine even safe? Why is it now inactive?" Carl asked, flipping through some papers. Monogram pointed to a one of the sheets of paper on file.

"When they tried to correct it to go back in time the whole machine overloaded causing a huge explosion. It was for that reason our old location was destroyed and we had to move here. The project never got picked back up after that."

"I see... so if Agent P finds our old location, he could use the Project Skip machine to travel back to this year. This is great news!"

Heinz ripped the folder out of Carl's hands. "Wait a second here, the most it ever went forward was _one_ year? How do we even know it's capable of going forward nearly _thirty_? That and the fact the whole thing exploded just from tampering with it... it's too risky. I don't like it."

"Well the only other option is to wait about a month to make a new inator." Carl said, taking the papers back from him.

Doofenshmirtz gave an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. But you know Francis, this still doesn't answer my question on why you brought us all the way out here, right? Did you really just _have_ to show off your fancy manilla folder?"

"Your house makes me uncomfortable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahahahaha Doof calling him B.B. totally sounds like baby if you say it out loud, what a gay baby.


	6. Are You Sure?

**1985 - 5:49 pm**

The drive to O.W.C.A. was seeming surprisingly uneventful. Most of it was spent quietly enjoying the music on the radio. Whenever it went back to talking, Doofenshmirtz would turn it down and rattle on about this video game he was _so_ close to beating at the arcade the other day. Perry spent most of the time watching the sunset. If todays mission went as planned, he would have been home with his family by now. He just hoped that O.W.C.A. had a way to return and see them again at all.

"Really though I'm starting to think that it doesn't even end, you know B.B.? Like the game goes on forever and you never realize it as they suck up all your quarters. If that's not evil, then I don't know what - Hey! Use your turn signal bub!" Heinz shouted out the window.

"Buh. Like I was saying..." a new wave beat began to play through the car speakers. "Hey I know this song! By Zanzibar I think. It's like three years old by now, remember it B.B.?" He glanced back at Perry who gave a nervous nod for yes. "Haha yeah it was pretty big. I actually have a kind of interesting story about this song." Doofenshmirtz turned down the music to be heard better. "I went on a date with this girl when the song first came out. I dunno, she said it made her want to be a pop star or something. I joked around and said something like 'yeah and I'm gonna rule the world'. I don't know. I'm a sarcastic jerk."

Perry began to zone out a bit, thinking about other things and not really caring to hear a story he had already heard once before. "But then she said that maybe I could if I start small with just the Tri-state area! I didn't think much about it at the time, but now that my old bratwurst job isn't looking too hot, I'm seriously considering it. Heh, what do you think B.B., would I be a good evil ruler?" They stopped at a red light and Heinz looked at him eagerly. Perry gulped. He knew that a yes or a no could drastically change Doofenshmirtz's route for the future, he had to be careful.

Finally, he gave a shrug. "What? What was that? Come on man, that's not an answer! I need like a thumbs up or thumbs down." Another shrug. He hoped he would drop the subject soon. "Hmmph." His attention turned back to driving. "Hey if you're worried that I'm gonna be some kind of murderous tyrant that's now how I'd do it. I'm no _monster_. I just want some authority you know? Some respect! I-I know it sounds silly and all but I think I'd be good at."

Heinz looked back to him one more time with pleading eyes. This time Perry gave him a genuine smile and thumbs up. Future destroyed or not, he wasn't going to crush his best friend's dreams. He smiled back at him with a face looking so touched that Perry swore that the last time he has seen the smile from Doofenshmirtz was when he bought (or will later buy) him those bus tickets. Any doubt about his answer left in his mind was gone.

* * *

 

**Present Day - 5:53 pm**

"Well I think I've wasted enough time here. If that's all that you wanted to share with us then I'm out." Doofenshmirtz said turning around.

Monogram put a hand on his shoulder. "Actually Heinz, we need to talk first. As far as we know you'll be stuck without a nemesis for at least a month. Now we can assign you a temporary replacement but considering the fact the you've only ever been stopped by our strongest agent there is a high possibility that-"

"Nope. Already decided. No evil until Perry the Platypus gets back."

"...Well alright then." He cleared his throat. "Not that I'd be one to ever encourage evil or anything of that sort but I don't really understand why. Especially when I was just about to say that without Agent P you-"

Doofenshmirtz flicked his wrist around dismissively. "What, you were going to say is that without Perry the Platypus here to stop me I'd probably be able to take over the Tri-state area? Yeah, I realized that too. But I'm not gonna do it." This time Carl looked at him curiously. "I mean, it's not like Perry the Platypus is _dead_ or anything, he'll be coming back. So what, I defeat your cheap little replacements, take over, then have all the power ripped out of my hands as soon as he returns? No!" He began to pace around the room. "I know they say it's better to have loved and lost yadda yadda, but having it all then losing it all? That sounds awful! I'd honestly, I'd rather wait until Perry the Platypus is _here_ and I actually _defeat_ him, not just send him on vacation. Okay? So don't worry about me." 

"Well that's very mature of you Heinz. You may go." He opened the door for him. Doofenshmirtz left and nodded his head in a sarcastically polite manner. The door slammed behind him leaving Monogram and Carl alone in the room together.

Carl leaned towards Monogram. "What do you wanna bet he just refuses to work with anyone besides Agent P?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter bluh shmushy fluff stuff


	7. Back to Buisness

**1985 - 5:57 pm**

  
"I mean, I'm an animal too you know? And not in that 'humans are animals' way, I'm seriously saying that by law I'm officially an ocelot. So it's cool." Perry smiled and nodded his head. At least Doofenshmirtz's rambling made the time go by faster. Whether Perry was his nemesis or just a stranger, he was as talkative to him as always.

"Is this the place B.B.? Oww-ooo-kaah?" Looking through car window, he saw the agency's large sign keeping it as discreet as ever. Perry growled in affirmation. "Well alright the- did you just make that noise? Was that you? ...That was adorable." He shook his head and shut off the car. 

"Before you go Bartholomew, I just wanted to say that you've been pretty cool. Your a good listener and you're supportive and that actually really means a lot to me so..? You kinda already have my address and basically what I'm trying to say is, if you ever feel like it you're welcome to stop by! Heh... okay actually all of that was a bit presumptuous of me. Really you don't even talk! For all I know you could have been so bored or annoyed this whole time or just putting up with me to use me for a ride or-" Perry tapped him on the arm causing Heinz to stop mid sentence. An urge to hold his hand suddenly swept over Perry but he fought it back. They weren't there yet. Not in this year.

Instead Agent P pulled a five dollar bill out from under his hat and placed it in the palm Doofenshmirtz's hand. He looked at it and began to open his mouth to protest but Perry curled his teal fingers around his hand, forcing Heinz to take hold of the money. When their eyes met again, he simply smiled politely and nodded his head. "Thanks." He unlocked the car. "Now get outa here you weird little zoo animal." Perry hopped out of the car and tipped his hat.

Agent P walked to the entrance of O.W.C.A., hearing the sound of Heinz's car taking off in the background. He pulled on the massive door. Locked, as expected. This time he knocked. A deep voice came crackling over a speaker system. "Identification please." Perry rummaged through his hat to find his official O.W.C.A. badge. He flashed it in front of the spy camera, holding it in a way to keep the pictures of him and Doofenshmirtz from unraveling. "Sir, we have no Platypus agents on record and your badge is dated for a date in the future." He nodded his head trying to affirm that he was from the future as well. The speaker system went quiet. The doors slid open.

* * *

 

**Present day - 6:01 pm**

Doofenshmirtz shut the apartment door behind him. Vanessa sat up on the couch and took out her earbuds. "Welcome back dad. Everything okay?"

"Yeah sure yeah. I guess so. I dunno."

His daughter jumped up and walked over to him. "Whoa that doesn't sound okay at all. Is the whole Perry thing bringing you down?"

"Eh I guess you could say that. I was just thinking..."

"About?"

"About how It should be me stuck in the eighties! That was my plan! I would be there right now, with no way to come back because I probably would have never thought to go to O.W.C.A.! And you know, if _I_ was stuck in the past, I doubt they would be there out there ordering a rare element to bring _me_ back right now! They probably would have been happy! 'Good work Perry the Platypus by letting Dr. Doofenshmirtz go through with his ridiculous scheme he no longer poses a threat to us here is your medal of honor!'" he swung his arms into the air dramatically.

Vanessa tried pulling one of his arms back down. "Hey hey careful, we can't afford another trip to the mechanic this month. And I really don't think it would be anything like that. If you were left in the past, I would march down to the agency and force them to find a way to bring you back." She gave a soft smile and patted him on the shoulder.

"Oh? So you're saying you would threaten them? Threatening sounds like a pretty evil thing to do if you ask me...!" He perked up.

"Umm, I think It would be _more_ evil to not try and do whatever it takes to get my dad back."

Doofenshmirtz ruffled the top of her hair. "Maybe. Thanks Vanessa."

"Anytime, Dad." She stuck one of her earbuds back in. "So does this mean Perry isn't gonna be back for a while?"

He walked over to the kitchen and opened up their fridge. "Yeah it seems like it. So no more evil until he gets back."

Vanessa joined her father by the pantry. "Really? Then... what now?"

"Now I figure out what to cook us for dinner." He pulled a large pot out from the cabinets and dropped it on the counter. "How about some steckrübeneintopf?"

"...Dad I don't even know what that _is_."


	8. Questions and Chaos

**1985 - 8:15pm**

It was surprisingly easy and completely ridiculous at the same time. Explaining was the simple part. There were plenty of agents that could translate Perry's story to the Admiral without him needing to write out an essay. The ridiculous part was how completely immersed everyone at the agency became. Hoards of animals squeaking and roaring asking him all sorts of questions about the future. After a while the admiral had to call everyone off due to 'time paradox precautions'.

After that was learning about Project Skip. It sounded perfect, and convenient. Like, really contrived convenient, but Perry didn't really care about that. Then came the paperwork. So much paperwork. From detailing how he got here and who he was, to wavers in case anything went wrong during the trip back, there seemed to be pre-printed sheets for everything. There were also those asking for a full description of what he did while in the past. He isn't proud of the fact that he lied for most of that one.

Of course, when he was done filling all of that out, it still wasn't time for him to go yet. Though the conversations were now restricted the other agents still wanted to meet this mysterious guest of course. Topics ranged from "Wow they still never changed the hat design thirty years later?" to "A time machine? It must be hard having your nemesis be that talented!"

It had been a full two hours he spent at the agency and now it looked like it was finally time he was clear for him to leave for good. Though the year was set correctly, the date and time on the machine would automatically be set to what it is currently. Nearly four hours he had missed in the present day. He hoped the Flynn-Fletchers wouldn't be too worried. Perry stepped inside of the time machine and the admiral pulled a lever outside of it. An electronic hum rang in his ears and the lights began to flicker. There was no turning back now.

* * *

 

**Present day - 8:23 pm**

O.W.C.A. wasn't doing so well. Agent P's story had spread quickly and everyone was making some kind of a big deal about it. Some were angry that the agency didn't have multiple back up time machines in case of situations like this. Others were worried about if any members of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. would attack with the best agent now out of the way. Monogram was mainly just trying to figure out how to deal with Perry's host family.

"There's no way his kids wouldn't realize we replaced him with another platypus, we'd have to think of something else." Carl said, checking over Agent P's equipment. "Maybe we just shouldn't say anything at all? I mean, that _was_ our plan when we relocated him that one time." Suddenly a light came flashing on one of the monitors. "Wait sir, come here!"

"What is it now Carl I-" He looked to see where the flashing came from. "Eggad! Is that Agent P's wrist communicator signal!? Quickly Carl, connect me to him!" Carl pressed a few buttons and the screen buzzed, making a video feed of Perry come to life.

"Ah, Agent P! You're back!" Perry smiled and saluted back at him. "Did you get here with Project Skip?" He nodded. "I knew you would! Great work Agent P, you're as resourceful as ever. Oh yes, you must still be at the location of our old headquarters right now! Here I'll have Carl send your hoverjet to you. Your duty right now is to go and visit your host family. You have been gone for a little while now and really for lawsuit reasons it would be a good idea to make sure they don't panic." Perry agreed and signed out.

"Well that turned out much better than expected, don't you think?" Carl punched in the coordinates into the hoverjet and it took off through their opened roof. "It just goes to show that even in the worst of situations, as long as the Major has a clear head we can get through anything!"

"Sir, you do realize that you didn't exactly _do_ anything right? ...And I'll go cancel the order on the Ununseptium."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters again im sorry but tomorrow should be the big one! I hope you're as excited as I am!


	9. It's About Time!

**Present Day - 11:30 am**

A knock was heard at Doofenshmirtz's front door. He shuffled to the door, barely awake and in his pajama bottoms. Yawning loudly, he opened the door. "Yes hello who's there..." A small teal platypus waved back at him. He blinked. "Perry the Platypus!? You're... in the twenty first century, how did you..?"

Instead of answering, Perry reached for the Doctor's hand and brought him into the house. With his free hand Doofenshmirtz rubbed his eye and gave a confused chuckle. "Sheesh okay Perry the grabby-pus, someone's acting all mushy. Did you really miss me that much?" Perry let go and started digging through his fedora, still not having looked Heinz in the face yet. "Well I'm glad you're back too, you know. I was pretty worried!" Perry stopped for a second and finally stared back at him. "A-about how well that agency's outdated technology could have brought you back! How was I supposed to know their time machine worked?

"So uh, what are you looking for there...?" Perry finally found what he wanted and slowly handed the folded up sheet of paper to Heinz. He squinted and read it over carefully. "Hey, I remember this... this is one my old poems that I wrote! I swear I ended up tossing this one though. Perry the Platypus, where on earth did you find this?" Agent P twirled his hand around, gesturing for him to turn the sheet over. Doing as he was instructed, Heinz inspected the backside. His eyes lit up. "...Bartholomew."

He stared at Perry. Then back at the paper. Then back at Perry. "But this is... and that means... and my inator...?" His mouth gaped open, taking it all in. "B.B.?" Perry smiled back at him sincerely. Suddenly Doofenshmirtz pulled him into a hug. Their first hug.

After what seemed like ages of neither of them really wanting to let go, Agent P broke them apart and looked at Doofenshmirtz sheepishly. "Hey now, what's that face for? Of course I remember you! We may have only hung out that one afternoon but still! A complete stranger I had known for about an hour listens to me, gives me support, reassures me, and gives me some money? All of that happening in the middle of one of the hardest points in my life, of course I would never forget that!" Heinz crouched down beside him and took a deep breath. "You really always were there for me, huh? Thank you Perry the Platypus. For everything."

"Well." Doofenshmirtz stood up and placed his hands on his hips. "Cutesy stuff aside, I really didn't have anything planned today on account of you being gone so... you're welcome to just hang out for a little while?" Heinz didn't think he would ever see Perry smile that big ever again.

* * *

 

**Present Day - 4:12 pm**

Norm was sweeping up the balcony. "WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THE GO-BACK-IN-TIME-INATOR, SIR?"

"Destroy it, burn it, sell it for scrap, I don't care! Just make sure nobody ever accidently gets him with that thing ever again!" Doofenshmirtz shouted from the living room.

He lifted the machine into the air. "RIGHT AWAY, SIR." He released his grip and it was dropped from over the balcony, crashing loudly onto the street below.

"Ugh." Heinz spread out on the couch and tossed the crumpled up poem in into the air, catching it repeatedly. "I can't believe it. Really though it should have dawned on me the second I met him... I guess he really is my rock." Finally he unfolded the sheet and read over the last line again. "Don't worry old me, you've definitely been noticed now. And I'm pretty sure that they're proud of you too."

"WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO, SIR?"

"Nobody Norm!" He shouted loud enough for him to hear. "Nobody."


	10. Epilogue

**Present Day - 2:39 pm**

It was just another ordinary afternoon for the pair. Well, as ordinary as a platypus being trapped by an evil scientist that first met the other thirty years ago could be. Except this time there was no trap. Perry growled in confusion. 

"Oh don't play coy with me, Perry the Evil-pus, you don't deserve a trap today!" He cocked his head to the side. "Come on, you didn't think I wouldn't notice did you? My evil scheme? To go back in time and to encourage myself to get a head start on evil? You totally did that! You went through with my evil scheme, you so did!" Perry turned around dismissing the claims. "Pretend all you want, you know what you did. You even went as far as to give me money! ...Of course I was planning on giving myself a twenty but the gesture was still nice." He shook his head adamantly. "Okay well now you're just being childish." 

Cables suddenly fell from the ceiling, tying up Agent P. He stared at the doctor, annoyed. "Sorry Perry the Platypus but if you won't at least play along with being evil then you still get trapped. Really though, I don't even know why you're still denying it, it totally happened! I asked you if I should be evil and you said yes- well you didn't say it. You gave me a thumbs up, but still. Because of you there is another evil scientist in the world who is five dollars richer!" A pause. "That sounded more horrifying in my head." 

Perry struggled between the cables, while refusing to acknowledge anything Doofenshmirtz was saying. "Come on now I know I'm evil but I'm not trying to be mean and make fun of you here! I guess this is kind of a weird roundabout way to say thank you... again." He stopped squirming. "I mean it. You could have said no! I probably would have never became an evil scientist if you said no! But you didn't! And I don't think I'll ever understand why you didn't but... thank you for doing it." They smiled at each other briefly. "

"Alright though we can't stay stuck on this one topic forever, I got a scheme to start on! So, I bet you're wondering why I've trapped you in cables, Perry the Platypus..." Back to normal. The reason Perry said yes. Doofenshmirtz never becoming an evil scientist? No.The way things were now were perfect. 

He wouldn't have it any other way.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends the apparently greatly awaited 'Perryshmirtz Time Travel Fanfic'. I hope it was up to par with what everyone was wanting out of this setup! I know I had a lot of fun writing it, and thank you guys for all the support i've gotten. I'm glad you took the time to read it and I hope it was worth your while.


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